Do my parents wish I wasn’t single?

The short answer is yes.

Valentine’s Day may be coming up, but I can assure you that’s not what inspired me to write this newsletter. It may be a cliche, but the truth is, I always feel the loneliest around the holidays. Whether it’s a Christmas movie that focuses on introducing the boyfriend for the first time or the social media posts that say #thankful or the holiday cards announcing the newest addition to the family, the emphasis on romantic relationships is everywhere.

And it just got me thinking: when people ask my parents how their kids are doing, I can’t help but wonder if they’re filled with more pride when they talk about my brother. He’s engaged and living in Boston with his fiancé and their dog. I, on the other hand, live in New York City with my roommate and prioritize my workout routine over going on dates.

Would they feel better if I was living with a significant other? With someone I was building a life with? Would the amount I pay in rent be justified?

Little do they know that my roommate provides the same type of security that a boyfriend would. There are days that I come home from work and dinner is waiting for me on the table. Or days when each of us don’t feel well so we offer to make the other tea. Often, we even do our grocery shopping together. And when we do make solo trips, we remember to pick up each other’s favorite foods. Ultimately, we take care of each other and make living life (in New York City, nonetheless) easier.

Of course, there are certain things that a friendship can’t give you, even one as close as a roommate. But when I think about the reasons I initially wanted a boyfriend, especially when I moved out on my own, it was for companionship. I craved the feeling of family, even if it wasn’t in the traditional sense. Now that I have it, it deserves to be celebrated, too.

Maybe I’m underestimating my parents. Maybe they do know that my roommate and I support one another. But since society still views a relationship and all of the celebrations that come with it as the ultimate prize, I wouldn’t blame them if they thought so, too.

I think all that my parents want for me is to feel settled; safe, loved, and comfortable in my own home. And they know I have that with Danielle. But they also know that part of me wants it with someone else, too. You can be fulfilled in other types of relationships and still want a romantic one. You can be happy for your friends getting married and also want someone to attend the wedding with.

So, maybe the real reason I get the sense they’re not secure with me being single is because I’m not. Because society painted a picture of what settled and successful looks like. And with all the love I do have in my life, it’s still not quite valued enough. And that’s what I wish I could change.